Invisible ... just invisible

I can't believe I'm telling you this.  I think I am invisible.  No, really.  Invisible.  And silent/stealth too.

Have any of you ever felt like this?  I wonder if I am the only one.  The symptoms are pretty standard I would think.  If they happen once or twice it just might be a coincidence, but if consistent you might just be invisible too.

• In a room full of people in a conversation you speak three words only to be interrupted by another, louder person who didn't even know you spoke.  This can happen with friends, family or just random strangers.
• Someone cuts in front of you in a line up and didn't even notice you were there.
• Walking down the street...you are always the person who moves out of the way to avoid getting hit or knocked over.
• In the gym people set up their benches within arm's reach of your "in progress" workout and don't even notice you are there.

I had a conversation about this actual syndrome with someone just a few nights ago. We were walking down the street and a fully grown man was standing and looking around as we were strolling by.  He took a few steps and would have walked right into me while staring right through me if I hadn't taken evasive steps.  He was completely oblivious to my presence in his "now" personal space.  

The conversation went something like this:

Look out (as husband pulls me to the side)

Holy shit he didn't even see me there...how can that be?  I'm not exactly tiny, I'm 5foot 8 for crying out loud!

The man walks away totally oblivious...  AND SCENE.

That moment along with a few others in recent times have led me to the invisible diagnosis.  I suppose it could come in handy.  I could be a fly on the wall during a party where everyone is having fun and letting loose.  As an introvert (no, really) this can be awesome when feeling socially awkward.  If only there was a cloak or a switch I knew how to operate to turn the invisibility on and off.  

I must work on this...

Till next time,

Kathi

What Was I Thinking AKA It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

I can't believe I'm telling you this!

I did it...  I laced up my shoes and went for a run.  Well, maybe more of a slow jog all the while wondering to myself and maybe out loud a little bit "what the hell were you thinking?"

You know how you can talk yourself into or out of something.  Eating fries, that third tequila, new shoes, going to the gym...etc.  In or out you can sway your body to do what your mind wants or doesn't at that particular moment.  Apparently my crazy ass mind decided it wants to run again.  It has actually wanted to pound the pavement for some time, I've just managed to squash the voices like a bug until today.

So, I got into the car and drove to Beacon Hill Park to run.  I could have gone downtown without the car but as it has been pointed out to me today - it's frickin hot outside today!  And there's lots of people on the sidewalks mid afternoon to get in my way (or trip over, let's be real here it's me we are talking about). So off to the waterfront I drove.

The breeze was awesome, not going to lie!  The sun felt good and the tunes in my ears were just as I remembered.  The problem was my feet....who replaced my feet with lead when I was asleep?  Holy crap!  It was almost like I had forgotten how to walk, let alone run!  So, more self talk...you can do this, suck it up and just get moving...the usual.  Slowly, one foot in front of the other, I started moving forward.  Walk/run/walk/run...having my injury history I don't want to move too quickly at first.  Run 1 minute, walk 30 seconds for this week to see how things go.  I didn't die, so I think to my self "so far so good".

I felt sluggish, leaden and really old while I was running today.  Not at all like I had hoped.  It appears I have a bunch of work to do to get my body back to its "I love running" form.  One step at a time I suppose.  Not easy for me - the queen of instant gratitude!  My run schedule is printed out and posted by my computer.  My week is planned and my half marathon entry fee has been paid for October.  No turning back now.

I have to remember that with every step I take I am lapping everyone still on the couch.

Till next time!

Kathi

Here We Go Again...Running - I Love That Shit

I can't believe I'm telling you this...

I love to run - I think.  I actually believe I have an unhealthy love/hate relationship with running.  As a heavy child and teenager the thought of running was scary.  I was always involved in sports and sports teams as a teenager and lived in fear of being forced to run.  I always felt I never measured up and never quite ...got there.

As a younger adult I never really thought about running as recreation, fitness or therapy.  I actually can't remember ever thinking about running at all.  It wasn't until my weight had crept up really high and my fitness level was in the toilet that I even considered running to be something I might do.

Let me be clear here - I am not a sprinter by any definition of the word.  I am a slow(er) runner.  I think my best 10K finish time is just over an hour.  I am also not what the world would consider a "pretty" runner.  I sweat, turn red, my hair gets messy and generally I look like hell.  Doesn't matter the distance or speed.  I look like shit after a run.  But I always feel great, that is why I think I love running.



Unfortunately for me I have not had the best experience with running.  I have been hurt (knocked down) during a race that resulted in a misdiagnosed injury that still haunts me 5 years later.  The result is a leg shorter than the other. Just a little, but enough that every step is impacted.  Being fit now and feeling invincible I did a half marathon without specific training and ended up being sent to the hospital with a suspected blood clot or compartment syndrome in my leg.  It's no wonder that when I bring up the subject of running, my husband just says no.

But,I love to run.  I love to run alone.  Just me, my music and fresh air.  Love it!  I love the race day anticipation and the feeling of being a part of the day. So I am about to embark on another running adventure.  Round 4 if you will.  I have taken part in 3 half marathons - two were not so bad...love the distance...and one disastrous.  My goal is to finish the half in a respectable time (to be determined) and not get hurt, bitten by a dog or embarrassed by a 75 year old.  I think it's a great opportunity to step outside my comfort zone and face a relatively new/old fear and check something else off my list of things to accomplish.  It's also a great opportunity to produce more writing material and a GREAT chance to laugh at myself and maybe make someone else laugh too.

So, here we go.....

I will keep you posted!

Kathi